Again I fell a day behind
I'm not so good at daily upkeep LOL
Life gets in the way ya know
have updated missing day and with any luck will update todays later tonight
May 20, 2012
197
Monday, May 21, 2012
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
203
:|
only 1 fucking pound and i have been almost 24hrs w/o fatty food
have decided fatty will get food again when fatty is at 200
and then only a small amount of food
backslide is not an acceptable outcome of food
it only takes 3 weeks to die from not eating
i am drinking 2 glasses of milk a day
i will die slow
And now a bit more about me:
I blame no one but myself for this.
That should count for something.
I made me a fatty thinking food would love me.
It did.
A Lot!
To Much!
But it was the wrong kind of love.
I just wanted my adoptive mom to love me for me.
Yeah, that never happened.
So I looked to food for that love and I had an epic fail.
I wasnt a popular person in school so i was bullied.
I ate because I wanted friends.
I made food a friend.
Another epic fail.
I guess I am just best at epic fail.
in everything.
I hope someone reads this and goes "hey, ya know, I wanna help this person. if she gets her weight down I will pay for the surgery to make Mr.Fluppy and the flying squirrel twins take their inside saddle bags and leave."
Yeah that would be nice.
Someone finnaly realizing I need help too...
:|
only 1 fucking pound and i have been almost 24hrs w/o fatty food
have decided fatty will get food again when fatty is at 200
and then only a small amount of food
backslide is not an acceptable outcome of food
it only takes 3 weeks to die from not eating
i am drinking 2 glasses of milk a day
i will die slow
And now a bit more about me:
I blame no one but myself for this.
That should count for something.
I made me a fatty thinking food would love me.
It did.
A Lot!
To Much!
But it was the wrong kind of love.
I just wanted my adoptive mom to love me for me.
Yeah, that never happened.
So I looked to food for that love and I had an epic fail.
I wasnt a popular person in school so i was bullied.
I ate because I wanted friends.
I made food a friend.
Another epic fail.
I guess I am just best at epic fail.
in everything.
I hope someone reads this and goes "hey, ya know, I wanna help this person. if she gets her weight down I will pay for the surgery to make Mr.Fluppy and the flying squirrel twins take their inside saddle bags and leave."
Yeah that would be nice.
Someone finnaly realizing I need help too...
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Friday, May 11, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
WARNING!
This blog is to follow my journey to getting my pannus removed.
It's gonna be very personal and yes I am taking donations to my paypal for financial help as the insurance is refusing to pay for it and i guess they shouldnt but i have be working so hard to loose weight and that should count for something right?
And yeah haters gunna hate and well karma bitches.
I will start with the crappy beginning and work up to now so some posts are back story but yall gotta know about it to understand.
THE CRAPPY BEGINNING
I ate for love, affection, friendship.
And food gave back A LOT!
And I am not shitting you here.
I have a 10-15 pound panniculus, flying squirrel arms and enough cottage cheese between my legs to make the dairy industry jealous. OK, the legs and arms may be a bit of an exaggeration but there are those things on them.
Weight became an issue in my early teens. Poor parenting, bullying and depression, it's the trifuctya of the teenage world. Makes us fat, sad and in some cases dead. For me it was the first 2, not that I didn't try #3, I just failed at that like I did everything else.
We moved to Naselle, WA when I was in the 6th grade and being the outsider no one liked me, EVER in 7 years only 3 people who even remotely would I call a friend and wonder what they up to now. My mom was not much help in the arena as she just lost even more interest in me unless it was to be a bitch. If I was upset about the no friends thing she would just say it was my fault and throw a shit load of crap my way.
So I started hiding in the house and eating, watching tv, playing video games (when I got a pc).
Oh I would go outside occasionally but well it was depressing.
I started hiding food in my room. Like mixed up, uncooked batters that I would sneak into my room to eat.
I started pretending I wanted to be a pastry chef so they would buy me bags of sugar and what have ya to cook new recopies. I would make up a batch to feed to them and then when the parentals were watching tv in their room I would make another batch and hide the uncooked batter in my room.
As you can guess it didn't take long for my weight to go ballistic.
Soon I was sneaking away from them in stores to go to the bakery to buy a bunch of doughnuts,cookies,cake slice, what have you. I would then go out to the car binge on the items, toss the remains in a garbage can and say I was talking to someone from school.
And because bitch adoptive mom wouldn't buy me proper fitting pants I developed my fat vat, aka the panniculus, aka Mr.Fluppy.
I used to call it the fungus but Mr.Fluppy is more fun to say.
Nutshell : I got fat because I was a looser that chose to seek solace in food. I blame no one but me for the eating, but I was already fat by the time I found cutting so...
I guess all the bullies, the poor parenting from adoptive mom contributed but I could have said no, but I didn't and at least I am honest about it.
I have lost weight several times. Once down to 125 (I looked emaciated at that weight BTW). But I was unable to have my panniculus removed and so the depression set back in along with my adoptive mom giving me shit whenever I would bring up cosmetic surgery saying "God made you this way and you better accept it", "we can't care for you after so you are just shit out of luck". Wasn't she lovely, NOT!
Truth is, I am 42. I am SICK of being fat. I do not want all the crap that goes with fat.
I wanna be beautiful. I have never been pretty because of Mr.Fluppy.
This time it's for real. I have the support system for the recovery, just need the 30K.
Help a sister get healthy. Save eyesight at waterparks(I do not go to them because well right now I would not want to see myself in a swimsuit so what makes me thing anyone else would)! Save your insurance premiums when I don't get diabetus or cancer.
This blog will follow my accent to healthy.
Stay tuned.
More to com in the 'morrow.
Night you sick ghoulies.
Get job and move out of the basement-or at least haunt it.
This blog is to follow my journey to getting my pannus removed.
It's gonna be very personal and yes I am taking donations to my paypal for financial help as the insurance is refusing to pay for it and i guess they shouldnt but i have be working so hard to loose weight and that should count for something right?
And yeah haters gunna hate and well karma bitches.
I will start with the crappy beginning and work up to now so some posts are back story but yall gotta know about it to understand.
THE CRAPPY BEGINNING
I ate for love, affection, friendship.
And food gave back A LOT!
And I am not shitting you here.
I have a 10-15 pound panniculus, flying squirrel arms and enough cottage cheese between my legs to make the dairy industry jealous. OK, the legs and arms may be a bit of an exaggeration but there are those things on them.
Weight became an issue in my early teens. Poor parenting, bullying and depression, it's the trifuctya of the teenage world. Makes us fat, sad and in some cases dead. For me it was the first 2, not that I didn't try #3, I just failed at that like I did everything else.
We moved to Naselle, WA when I was in the 6th grade and being the outsider no one liked me, EVER in 7 years only 3 people who even remotely would I call a friend and wonder what they up to now. My mom was not much help in the arena as she just lost even more interest in me unless it was to be a bitch. If I was upset about the no friends thing she would just say it was my fault and throw a shit load of crap my way.
So I started hiding in the house and eating, watching tv, playing video games (when I got a pc).
Oh I would go outside occasionally but well it was depressing.
I started hiding food in my room. Like mixed up, uncooked batters that I would sneak into my room to eat.
I started pretending I wanted to be a pastry chef so they would buy me bags of sugar and what have ya to cook new recopies. I would make up a batch to feed to them and then when the parentals were watching tv in their room I would make another batch and hide the uncooked batter in my room.
As you can guess it didn't take long for my weight to go ballistic.
Soon I was sneaking away from them in stores to go to the bakery to buy a bunch of doughnuts,cookies,cake slice, what have you. I would then go out to the car binge on the items, toss the remains in a garbage can and say I was talking to someone from school.
And because bitch adoptive mom wouldn't buy me proper fitting pants I developed my fat vat, aka the panniculus, aka Mr.Fluppy.
I used to call it the fungus but Mr.Fluppy is more fun to say.
Nutshell : I got fat because I was a looser that chose to seek solace in food. I blame no one but me for the eating, but I was already fat by the time I found cutting so...
I guess all the bullies, the poor parenting from adoptive mom contributed but I could have said no, but I didn't and at least I am honest about it.
I have lost weight several times. Once down to 125 (I looked emaciated at that weight BTW). But I was unable to have my panniculus removed and so the depression set back in along with my adoptive mom giving me shit whenever I would bring up cosmetic surgery saying "God made you this way and you better accept it", "we can't care for you after so you are just shit out of luck". Wasn't she lovely, NOT!
Truth is, I am 42. I am SICK of being fat. I do not want all the crap that goes with fat.
I wanna be beautiful. I have never been pretty because of Mr.Fluppy.
This time it's for real. I have the support system for the recovery, just need the 30K.
Help a sister get healthy. Save eyesight at waterparks(I do not go to them because well right now I would not want to see myself in a swimsuit so what makes me thing anyone else would)! Save your insurance premiums when I don't get diabetus or cancer.
This blog will follow my accent to healthy.
Stay tuned.
More to com in the 'morrow.
Night you sick ghoulies.
Get job and move out of the basement-or at least haunt it.
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